Letters: ‘I’m planning to rob a bank and need a getaway driver’

A Chara,

I am writing this letter to let you know how much I enjoy reading your newspaper which I have been buying for more years than I can remember.

I like your local news reports and your sports section, which keeps me up to date with all the activities of the local sports people.

Dirve stock

But without a doubt my favourite part of your paper is the comedy pages. I do be on my knees laughing at them pages – they are hilarious.

If you don’t know what pages I am talking about, they are the court reports.

That’s enough praise for you then, as I want to tell you about a few problems I have.

Firstly, my mother died last year and we were very close. I also have a problem with alcohol, my problem is I think it is too dear and I cannot afford it.

Last week I went to the chemist that is just across the road from my house and I asked the girl for a packet of Solpadeine.

She gave them to me and when I went to pay for them I realised I had left my wallet in the house.

When I told her she said no problem, and that I could pay her the next time I was in the shop.

You might ask where all this is leading to. Well it’s like this, I am planning to rob a bank and I have never done this type of thing before, so just in case I am caught I want to have my story ready for the judge.

I will tell him it’s my first offence. I will also tell him about my problem with alcohol and after that I will tell him I am traumatised about the death of my mother last year.

If all that fails I will play my trump card and tell him I robbed the bank to pay off a drug debt (remember the girl in the chemist).

When the judge asks me to tell him who I owe the drug debt to, I will tell him I’m living in fear of my life, that girl in the chemist might come over and bump me off.

Last of all – this is where The Echo comes in – I want to advertise in your paper for a getaway driver for the bank job/ All he will need is a car.

He doesn’t need to have a driving licence, tax, insurance or NCT. If he is caught he will have ten days to produce them and when he does not produce them he can tell the judge a cock and bull story and it will be grand. What do your readers think?

A perfect crime.

Name and address with editor.

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